Renee - The Quoter, part 4

I've been reading through C. S. Lewis' "space trilogy" ('Out Of The Silent Planet', 'Perelandra', and 'That Hideous Strength') as of late and there was a particular part in the end of the second book, 'Perelandra' that hit me...

"The peoples of the ancient worlds who never sinned, for whom He never came down, are the peoples for whose sake the Low Worlds were made. For though the healing what was wounded and the straightening what was bent is a new dimension of glory, yet the straight was not made that it might be bent nor the whole that it might be wounded. The ancient peoples are at the centre. Blessed be He!" p215

To kind of sum up this book, it is about a planet mirroring our own planet's history and being at the point of The Fall. Ransom is sent from Earth to help prevent this newer/younger planet from making the same mistake we did. The topic of the above passage was discussed throughout the book but I feel like this paragraph especially really finally got to me and some things that I've been trying to figure out. Specifically, it's talking about the fact that because of The Fall and of sin, we needed and were able to experience the glory of God/Christ coming down and becoming flesh to redeem us. But we were not created perfect so that we would sin and be able to experience that.

Reading this has brought up in my mind the struggles I've had with differences between my own testimony and that of others. Especially when I joined InterVarsity I would hear so many remarkable testimonies of people that grew up not knowing Christ and who God transformed out of drugs and promiscuity and many other things. For a long time it was very hard to embrace my own testimony of growing up in the church because I didn't have that story. I felt invalid because my story wasn't as moving as these other people's stories, like I was too innocent and that I had to come from this hard background for God to *really* use me to draw in other people.

(sidenote: I am not in any way saying that I am innocent or that I have never sinned. I sin and miss the mark every day of my life.)

So, what I've come to realize, in a very simplified way, in reading this is that God's perfect glory shines through every testimony and that we were not born good so that we could sin and show God's glory and mercy, but because we do sin, He brings us out of one possible goodness into another that is also completely good and neither is invalid. So whatever story my life will be, the goodness that He derives from that is just as valid and good as the goodness that He derives from someone else's story.

An excerpt from my journal...

[One of my coworkers] said something in the kitchen today that I’m still reeling from. I don’t even know how to process it. I just want someone to come in and say he was wrong and use all the words I can’t find to make it all make sense. He said that we’re basically just a hotel. That the IV groups that come here could do the exact same thing at a hotel. But then, if that’s what my IV had done, I wouldn’t have gone to work for whatever random hotel we would’ve gone to. So why am I here now? What’s the point?

… because just like He can use any person, and has chosen me, He can use any place, and has chosen here. This place is holy ground, all of it. It’s a shelter from the storm for so many people, a safe haven. As much as I am His, this place is His, and He gives it back to us.

Renee - The Quoter, part 3

“In a perfect Friendship this Appreciative love is, I think, often so great and so firmly based that each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before all the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky beyond desert to be in such company. Especially when the whole group is together, each bringing out all that is best, wisest, or funniest in all the others. Those are the golden sessions; when four or five of us after a hard day’s walking have come to our inn; when our slippers are on, our feet spread out towards the blaze and our drinks at our elbows; when the whole world, and something beyond the world, opens itself to our minds as we talk; and no one has any claim on or any responsibility for another, but all are freemen and equals as if we had first met an hour ago, while at the same time an Affection mellowed by the years enfolds us. Life – natural life – has no better gift to give. Who could have deserved it?”

‘The Four Loves’, C.S. Lewis,  p.71-72.

“For then it will seem to us that we – we four or five – have chosen one another, the insight of each finding the intrinsic beauty of the rest, like to like, a voluntary nobility; that we have ascended above the rest of mankind by our native powers. The other loves do not invite the same illusion. Affection obviously requires kinships or at least proximities which never depended on our own choice. And as for Eros, half the love songs and half the love poems in the world will tell you that the Beloved is your fate or destiny, no more your choice than a thunderbolt, for ‘it is not in our power to love or hate.’ Cupid’s archery, genes – anything but ourselves. But in Friendship, being free of all that, we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting – any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples ‘Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,’ can truly say to every group of Christian friends ‘You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.’ The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. They are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men; by Friendship God opens our eyes to them. They are, like all beauties, derived from Him, and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the Friendship itself, so that it is His instrument for creating as well as for revealing. At this feast it is He who has spread the board and it is He who has chosen the guests. It is He, we may dare to hope, who sometimes does, and always should, preside. Let us not reckon without our Host.”

‘The Four Loves’, C.S. Lewis, p.89-90.

Renee - The Quoter, part 2

You know that feeling in your heart.. When your heart is just pounding.. like it’s actually outside of your ribs.. exposed.. vulnerable.. wonderful and awful.. and heartsick.. and alive.. all at the same time.. What do you call that?

Uh, love.

"Dan In Real Life"

Home away from home...

I’ve spent the past 9.5 weeks in Sacramento. I think I marked my time there by weekends.

Weekend #1… Graduation and graduation party

W#2… Christmases with family (yes, multiple Christmases)

W#3… Disneyland with friends and sister

W#4… Wedding (not mine, lol, I don’t know why I felt the need to clarify that one)

W#5… Intense Scrapbooking

W#6… Santa Cruz with the rest of the fearsome foursome

W#7… Super Bowl party

W#8… Shopping and sushi with the girls

W#9… One-on-one time with one of my important Laurens

W#10… ‘The Office’ party with great snacks, Bowling

 And those are just the highlights. Throw in a few InterVarsity large group meetings, a handful of trips to various movie theaters, sushi and cheesecake restaurants, Sunday mornings back at church and as many updates on people’s lives as I could possibly cram in. I feel like there is so much more that I did but it seems to all be blurring together now. Oh, I also did my taxes in there somewhere. Yay me for being prompt on that one.

 I’ve now barely been back on my island for 24 hours (28 to be exact for some) and it’s been eventful and mellow all at the same time, but I’ve come to expect that of this place. I got picked up in a skiff (that’s a pretty tiny boat for those not familiar). So me, my 80 pounds of luggage and 3 other people. That was only a little unsettling for someone who’s not too thrilled with large bodies of water, especially when it’s dark out. Basically, the smaller the boat, the more anxious I get. But like my first time doing the trash barge, it’ll be a night that I won’t soon forget, because there were dolphins. They followed us back to camp. One even jumped almost from straight under our boat. Breathtaking. Once I got into camp I had to laugh at the fact that it seemed nobody knew I was coming back that day. I said hello to those I could find and headed to my empty house. I thought I’d be meeting my new roommate, but it turns out she’s visiting family in Hawaii until Friday, so I’m back in an empty house. They gave me my first full day off to settle in and I truly appreciate it, but I’m ready now to get back to work. Also, ironically, I’ve realized since being back that I’m ready to move on from here. Nothing bad happened and I’m not saying I’m leaving before the time I agreed to or that I’ll never come back. I’ve just figured out in being gone for 2 months and coming back that it’s time to take my next step in life. Now if only I could figure out which step to take. I have a feeling 2009 has even more in store for me than 2008 and 2007 did.

 p.s. When you are going to a camp on an island with very little electricity at night and you walk to your house alone every night in dark conditions it’s probably not a good idea to be reading a book called ‘The Killing Hour’ at the same time. Especially when said book is all about a deranged serial killer who kidnaps girls about your age and strands them in dark isolated places and some are found with live rattlesnakes sewn shut in their mouths.

Renee - The Quoter

Lena knew she had spent too much of her life in a state of passive dread, just waiting for something bad to happen. In a life like that, relief was as close as you got to happiness.

p99, 'The Second Summer Of The Sisterhood'

Renee - The Scrapper

So, I don't know if I really had a choice in the matter, but I'm a scrapbooker. Nothing like my mother, aunt, or sister's mother, but a scrapbooker nonetheless. This being said, I haven't scrapbooked a thing in probably a year and a half, if not longer. So going into this three day weekend that they put aside every year to just scrapbook, I've been a little overwhelmed. Today is the last day of this mad marathon and maybe with the end in sight I can finally get some work done.

Of course, I'm now about four years behind and have a whole book of my island I want to put together, not to mention my whole InterVarsity life. And, no, I don't plan on doing the whole thing in one day. I'm not crazy. Well, not in that respect anyway.

So now that I'm resolved in this mission, there's only one more question I must ask myself...

Where the heck do I start???