My weekends.. not so thrilling..

So... I told myself I had stuff to blog about, but now that I'm sitting here, homework done and out of the way.. I dunno.. I feel uninspired. But I told Eric I would to give him a distraction, so.. here goes.

Hmm... I feel like this weekend was a lot more productive than last weekend. Well, maybe not productive, per se. Just, I did stuff rather than sit at home and veg. Actually, I didn't really veg last weekend.. but I did on Monday, so.. I officially have no idea what I'm talking about. :)

My last weekend and this weekend were actually quite similar. Both started out with me having the house to myself on Friday night. Kind of bittersweet in the fact that I had nowhere else to be Friday night, but home by myself. Both Saturdays I actually went to football games, but those games couldn't have been more different. Last weekend I went to Sac State's homecoming game where the most exciting thing that happened was the fact that I had to sneak in to the stadium cuz I left my student ID at home. That was fun cuz I had to get past 3 "check points", and on the last one we made an elaborate plan of 2 of my friend getting their seats then one of them coming back with the other's ID and then us going back in, me using the other ID. And then the game was pretty lame. We only stayed till the half-time "festivities" and saw the only score that Sac State made the whole game, making the final score 3-17 or something equally ridiculous.

This weekend, on the other hand, I went to a highschool football game. My cousin's highschool football game, to be exact. He's a co-captain and is on the offensive and defensive line. They had some really great plays and I wasn't bored at any point in the game, even if it was a little cold. Oh, and it was an away game up in Foresthill, so we got to drive over the Foresthill Bridge which was featured in XXX (it was the one Vin Diesel drove off of in the beginning). And my cousin's team won 42-12, with my cousin getting a couple really good sacks including one of the quarterback before he could throw the ball. And I met my cousin's girlfriend, which somehow was a big deal. I guess it was kinda weird that I hadn't met her yet cuz me and my cousin are pretty close so everyone kept saying I needed to meet her but I was never in any real hurry to. It was pretty amusing at one point in the game my aunt noticed me laughing and asked me why.. It was cuz that game was so much better than my college school's homecoming game. I dunno why, that's just funny to me.

Let's see.. What else? Last weekend I was able to go out drinking with a few people. That was fun. I like when I can go out and eat with friends cuz it means I can drink a bit more than if I was out with family. I don't usually have more than one drink when I'm with the fam, cuz, what's the point, right? So I had 2 drinks last weekend after the football game. That got me fairly "happy" but I screwed myself over a little bit cuz I worked out the check for 5 people and by the end of that I had lost most of my buzz. :( Oh well. I'm sure I'll have other days to.. play the trumpet..

I don't know what else to blog about now.. I had classes.. was sick most of the week.. slept.. took a few tests.. did some other boring things, I'm sure.. Oh, and was asked when I was gonna hook up with a few different guys, that was a fun convo. :) Alright, I guess I'm done for this time. ttfn

p.s. Why is the abbreviation for "number" 'no.'? There's no 'o' in "number"...

Do You Feel It?

If you felt the way I felt…
The sight of me looking at you
Would make your heart stop in its track
And you’d fear that the look in your own eyes
Would betray you and everything you’re holding back

If you felt the way I felt…
The brush of my hand on yours
Would send shivers down your spine
And your fingers would tingle with longing
To be intertwined with mine

If you felt the way I felt…
The sound of my voice when I say your name
Would be music to your ears
And hearing every song that we’ve shared
Would take away the tears

If you felt the way I felt…
The taste of my lips on yours
Would fill your thoughts every night
And every sweet dessert in comparison
Just wouldn’t taste right

If you felt the way I felt…
The fragrance of my hair when it’s on your shoulder
Would linger with you long after I’ve gone
And even the smell of a familiar food we’ve shared
Would be all it takes to make your heart undone

If you felt the way I felt…
Your heart would hurt every time you thought about me


~ rjr ~

These are the days...

I went to SoCal last weekend. It was unbelievably hard to come back from there. On the drive back I was sitting there thinking, when did I become that girl? The girl that works a summer on an island.. The girl that takes weekend roadtrips to visit with friends cuz they aren't all in one place.. Sometimes it feels like it's someone else's life. Cuz how did I get so blessed in this life?

Now I'm at a crossing of roads. I've found it. Home... Love... Belonging... Joy...
And I had to leave it all. I had to go "home" to a city I have no attachment to.. a school that has the ghosts of past mistakes.. a place that's not my home. I had to come back. To finish a semester in a major that I can't and don't want to excel in. I don't want to have any more to do with it, but I've had no other direction for so long I suffered through. Only now that I've found direction, I don't want to suffer through it anymore. But I have to. I have to do well in these classes so I can transfer to CSULB next fall and start the next chapter of my life.

So this weekend was quite packed with excitement. I didn't even find out for sure that I'd be going to CBS until Friday when I was getting on the train to leave. I took Amtrak for 5 hours to meet up with a friend from highschool in the Santa Cruz area and 2 or her work friends, driving the rest of the way down to L.A., bringing us in at 1am. Had a rushed breakfast in the morning and headed off to the island with Lauren B & Aaron H, surprising most of the people over there. I swear, stepping off that boat onto the pier, I already felt refreshed and so at home. Getting to see Stuart was definitely a highlight of my weekend. I hope it was able to brighten his week a little bit too. Watched people work hard.. had a great family style dinner.. played some volleyball.. talked under the stars till we were too cold to stay out any longer.. and made some more memories that are definitely up to par with some great ones from this summer.

Sunday, which I can't believe was only yesterday, Stuart, Aaron, & Lauren tried to work it so we could stay a bit later, but it wasn't to be and we parted ways with the island after only 23 hours. The rest seems like a rush and a blur to get home, filled with goodbyes and half-baked plans for next visits, even saying goodbye to tiny Bernard.. my friend Amanda's hamster who didn't make the trip back to Santa Cruz. I think I was able to cram in some quality time with all people involved, but still.. they sure made it hard to say goodbye.

And now I find myself missing my heart. I left it there, with those people and that amazing place. There are tiny fragments of it in a few of the people here in Sacramento, but the majority of it is there and I feel like a shell of a person being so far from it.. hollow and purposeless. Which makes it very difficult to function "normally" as I have in weeks past. I didn't even go to any of my classes today cuz I didn't do any of the homework this weekend and my heart isn't in it so why bother. But after resting up and doing some serious thinking I'm trying hard to pull it together for this last leg.. these last 2 and 1/2 months until I can follow this passion I've found. To somehow channel it all and all the people waiting for me in SoCal and focus. Like I've never focused before. Good luck me... ttfn.

p.s. Way to not be a teen anymore, Eric...