Worship... just some thoughts...

What is it? I think my favorite definition I found of "worship" is "the reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object." The idea of reverence, love, and devotion strike a certain chord with me. When you mention "worship" to most Americans familiar with religion they automatically think of singing songs at a church service of some kind, right? I definitely don't think that's an incorrect picture to see, cuz for most, that's the easiest outlet for worshiping or praising God. But I definitely don't think that's the only way to worship God. I really believe that worship is anything that is done in reverence to someone/something and acknowledging that person/thing as your motivation for pursuing whatever it is that you're doing. There's nothing saying that gardening or photography or cooking are any less valid forms to worship God than singing. I love this idea and am trying to broaden my ways that express worship for my King and Savior. That being said, there are a couple songs that my church has sung the past couple weeks that have really moved me in how I see God in my life and I thought I'd share the words...

Stir In Me

Stir in me
A fire that the world cannot explain
I come to worship You
Stir in me
A passion that my heart cannot contain
I come to worship You

Hold me, break me
Mold me and make me more and more like You
I come to worship You
Love You, fear You
Draw ever near You as I worship You
I come to worship You

Beautiful

I need You like the rain
Come to me and sing again
I long for Your love so much
I've wanted Your pure touch
You're beautiful

I need You to be here
Come to me, I can feel You near
I love You, You are my hope
You love me as Your own
You're beautiful

Unspeakable Joy

My highest praise
Lord, belongs to Thee
For grace upon grace
You have given me

As I come in worship before You
I bow down and still my own voice
In silence my soul will adore You
For I've found unspeakable joy

What You've begun
Lord, You're seeing through
My heart undone
Now belongs to You


Lastly, I wanted to leave off with something that I kind of thought about after something my pastor said in service this morning...
I want to live my life in such a way that I never need to tell anyone/no one would ever need to ask if I'm a Christian.

p.s. after midnight is definitely a great time for deep thoughts and introspective ramblings...

My weekends.. not so thrilling..

So... I told myself I had stuff to blog about, but now that I'm sitting here, homework done and out of the way.. I dunno.. I feel uninspired. But I told Eric I would to give him a distraction, so.. here goes.

Hmm... I feel like this weekend was a lot more productive than last weekend. Well, maybe not productive, per se. Just, I did stuff rather than sit at home and veg. Actually, I didn't really veg last weekend.. but I did on Monday, so.. I officially have no idea what I'm talking about. :)

My last weekend and this weekend were actually quite similar. Both started out with me having the house to myself on Friday night. Kind of bittersweet in the fact that I had nowhere else to be Friday night, but home by myself. Both Saturdays I actually went to football games, but those games couldn't have been more different. Last weekend I went to Sac State's homecoming game where the most exciting thing that happened was the fact that I had to sneak in to the stadium cuz I left my student ID at home. That was fun cuz I had to get past 3 "check points", and on the last one we made an elaborate plan of 2 of my friend getting their seats then one of them coming back with the other's ID and then us going back in, me using the other ID. And then the game was pretty lame. We only stayed till the half-time "festivities" and saw the only score that Sac State made the whole game, making the final score 3-17 or something equally ridiculous.

This weekend, on the other hand, I went to a highschool football game. My cousin's highschool football game, to be exact. He's a co-captain and is on the offensive and defensive line. They had some really great plays and I wasn't bored at any point in the game, even if it was a little cold. Oh, and it was an away game up in Foresthill, so we got to drive over the Foresthill Bridge which was featured in XXX (it was the one Vin Diesel drove off of in the beginning). And my cousin's team won 42-12, with my cousin getting a couple really good sacks including one of the quarterback before he could throw the ball. And I met my cousin's girlfriend, which somehow was a big deal. I guess it was kinda weird that I hadn't met her yet cuz me and my cousin are pretty close so everyone kept saying I needed to meet her but I was never in any real hurry to. It was pretty amusing at one point in the game my aunt noticed me laughing and asked me why.. It was cuz that game was so much better than my college school's homecoming game. I dunno why, that's just funny to me.

Let's see.. What else? Last weekend I was able to go out drinking with a few people. That was fun. I like when I can go out and eat with friends cuz it means I can drink a bit more than if I was out with family. I don't usually have more than one drink when I'm with the fam, cuz, what's the point, right? So I had 2 drinks last weekend after the football game. That got me fairly "happy" but I screwed myself over a little bit cuz I worked out the check for 5 people and by the end of that I had lost most of my buzz. :( Oh well. I'm sure I'll have other days to.. play the trumpet..

I don't know what else to blog about now.. I had classes.. was sick most of the week.. slept.. took a few tests.. did some other boring things, I'm sure.. Oh, and was asked when I was gonna hook up with a few different guys, that was a fun convo. :) Alright, I guess I'm done for this time. ttfn

p.s. Why is the abbreviation for "number" 'no.'? There's no 'o' in "number"...

Do You Feel It?

If you felt the way I felt…
The sight of me looking at you
Would make your heart stop in its track
And you’d fear that the look in your own eyes
Would betray you and everything you’re holding back

If you felt the way I felt…
The brush of my hand on yours
Would send shivers down your spine
And your fingers would tingle with longing
To be intertwined with mine

If you felt the way I felt…
The sound of my voice when I say your name
Would be music to your ears
And hearing every song that we’ve shared
Would take away the tears

If you felt the way I felt…
The taste of my lips on yours
Would fill your thoughts every night
And every sweet dessert in comparison
Just wouldn’t taste right

If you felt the way I felt…
The fragrance of my hair when it’s on your shoulder
Would linger with you long after I’ve gone
And even the smell of a familiar food we’ve shared
Would be all it takes to make your heart undone

If you felt the way I felt…
Your heart would hurt every time you thought about me


~ rjr ~

These are the days...

I went to SoCal last weekend. It was unbelievably hard to come back from there. On the drive back I was sitting there thinking, when did I become that girl? The girl that works a summer on an island.. The girl that takes weekend roadtrips to visit with friends cuz they aren't all in one place.. Sometimes it feels like it's someone else's life. Cuz how did I get so blessed in this life?

Now I'm at a crossing of roads. I've found it. Home... Love... Belonging... Joy...
And I had to leave it all. I had to go "home" to a city I have no attachment to.. a school that has the ghosts of past mistakes.. a place that's not my home. I had to come back. To finish a semester in a major that I can't and don't want to excel in. I don't want to have any more to do with it, but I've had no other direction for so long I suffered through. Only now that I've found direction, I don't want to suffer through it anymore. But I have to. I have to do well in these classes so I can transfer to CSULB next fall and start the next chapter of my life.

So this weekend was quite packed with excitement. I didn't even find out for sure that I'd be going to CBS until Friday when I was getting on the train to leave. I took Amtrak for 5 hours to meet up with a friend from highschool in the Santa Cruz area and 2 or her work friends, driving the rest of the way down to L.A., bringing us in at 1am. Had a rushed breakfast in the morning and headed off to the island with Lauren B & Aaron H, surprising most of the people over there. I swear, stepping off that boat onto the pier, I already felt refreshed and so at home. Getting to see Stuart was definitely a highlight of my weekend. I hope it was able to brighten his week a little bit too. Watched people work hard.. had a great family style dinner.. played some volleyball.. talked under the stars till we were too cold to stay out any longer.. and made some more memories that are definitely up to par with some great ones from this summer.

Sunday, which I can't believe was only yesterday, Stuart, Aaron, & Lauren tried to work it so we could stay a bit later, but it wasn't to be and we parted ways with the island after only 23 hours. The rest seems like a rush and a blur to get home, filled with goodbyes and half-baked plans for next visits, even saying goodbye to tiny Bernard.. my friend Amanda's hamster who didn't make the trip back to Santa Cruz. I think I was able to cram in some quality time with all people involved, but still.. they sure made it hard to say goodbye.

And now I find myself missing my heart. I left it there, with those people and that amazing place. There are tiny fragments of it in a few of the people here in Sacramento, but the majority of it is there and I feel like a shell of a person being so far from it.. hollow and purposeless. Which makes it very difficult to function "normally" as I have in weeks past. I didn't even go to any of my classes today cuz I didn't do any of the homework this weekend and my heart isn't in it so why bother. But after resting up and doing some serious thinking I'm trying hard to pull it together for this last leg.. these last 2 and 1/2 months until I can follow this passion I've found. To somehow channel it all and all the people waiting for me in SoCal and focus. Like I've never focused before. Good luck me... ttfn.

p.s. Way to not be a teen anymore, Eric...

Not quite an adventure...

I'm so excited for the weather right now. This is, like, my favorite time of year. When it starts to get cold and gloomy/drizzly. It's just the best. The smell of rain coming in or just leaving, it's just perfect. Anyway, I got to school today about 7:45 and thought it'd be a good day for my first hot chocolate of the season. Well, actually, second cuz I had one on Saturday on the way to Tahoe, but I didn't want to count it cuz it was Starbucks and they really don't know how to make hot chocolate. Not that I'm picky or anything. ; )

So I went to one of our campus's many Java Citys (weird spelling, I know, but how would you pluralize a business's name?) and ordered my black & white hot chocolate. It's also called a tuxedo, but the tuxedo has espresso in it and I really don't like coffee, so to avoid confusion, that's how I order it instead. I had 2 of those cards that once you get stamped 10 times you get a free drink. Well, I had one stamped 8 times (but it looked like 9) and another with 2 stamps. At the register, the guy took the card with 8, stamped it again and gave me the one with 2 on it back and I didn't pay for anything. Then the girl that made my drink ended up making it with the coffee in it and they spelled my name Rane so she had trouble pronouncing it. I always enjoy that. I took about 5 steps, smelled the coffee and went back, got the right drink and they let me keep the other one to give to someone else.

Summation... 2 drinks all for a 8-stamp Java card. I love these kinda days!

p.s. Uggs are still uggly even when worn in inclement weather...

What a crazy week...

So this last week has definitely been busy to say the least. And I only had 4 days of instruction instead of 5 cuz of Labor Day.

Tuesday was pretty easy, just French, Geometry and working in the art gallery, though I'd forgotten most of my French by now and it's not as fun when you're that rusty. Tuesday night was the launching of the new Tuesday Off Campus bible study. We had a pretty good turn out of 10 people, 2 of which were new to InterVarsity (IV). We had pizza and an informal get to know each other time. A pretty good day/night.

Wednesday was so much more stressful I almost had a nervous breakdown. It started out with realizing that the placement of one of my classes raises my chances of running into someone that I'm honestly kind of trying to avoid for as long as possible. It's a really sticky situation that I wish I hadn't gotten myself into, and I do take part of the blame for where it is now. So yeah, lot's of stress for that even before my first class. When I did get to my first class I soon realized that I was already behind. I had ordered my textbook from the bookstore but found out the weekend before that it was on backorder. So I had to order the book online and it still won't be coming in till some time next week. But I already have reading quizzes every class and homework problems that we're supposed to do solutions on the board for participation points. Kinda hard to do either of those without the book. From there I went straight to French class, still rusty, then to Accounting. The accounting class, I find out, is mostly student discovery learning, so we teach ourselves. That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't topping off the horrible day I'd been having. So nothing very terrible happened, it was just the accumulation of so many other things that I could barely take it anymore. And after all that I had an hour for lunch, but I couldn't even eat cuz my stomach was so out of control from stress. Then I went to 7 hours of work, and during that whole time I was having extreme lower back pain. I did get to see my siss, Eryn, for a little bit that night, so that was a bonus for the day.

Thursday was a lot easier again except for the continuation of the lower back pain. There had been a little bit more drama about the guy I'm trying to avoid and ending up not eating with some friends because of it. Had IV's large group meeting that I got to go to on time for the first time in a year. I finally worked out my work schedule so I wouldn't work those nights. And after that was our annual LUAU. That was so much fun. Mocktails, Leis, Sundaes out of a rain gutter, and dancing and limbo in a big back yard. Day in a row #3 of going to bed really late cuz of staying out late.

Finally, Friday, found the school days normalizing. The math class I was missing a book for now has one in our library's book reserve room so I was able to get copies of the first couple chapters until mine comes in. Took a nap, hung out with some IV people and hung around campus until a bunch of IV people met to go to our $3.50 theater. I went with a group of guys and one other girl and we saw Live Free or Die Hard. Let me just say, John McClane is my hero! I absolutely luvd this movie and would see it over and over again if given the opportunity. It makes me want to go back and see the first 3 again in all their glory... and make the guys that I found out had never seen the other ones see them too. Ahh, I would definitely call it one of this year's best. :)

So that was my first week of scool. Now comes #2... Only 15 more to go.. woot.. woot. ttfn

p.s. Why does Donald Duck wear a shirt but no pants and Mickey wear shorts but no shirt?

Thought this was funny...

(Facebook Newsfeed)

Top Books in the Sacramento, CA network.

1 Harry Potter
2 The Bible
3 Catcher In The Rye
4 1984
5 Memoirs Of A Geisha

And so it begins...

Today is the first day of yet another semester and time to start the first post of my third blog. Each blog I've had has kind of marked different times in my life and I'm hoping this one will mark a more grown up, less boy-crazy phase. I guess since this is the first one, I'll say what you can be expecting in this here journal of mine. It'll be a space for me to right my insights, adventures, and most likely some of my personal writings. ttfn

p.s. I really like elipses...